I’ll be the first to admit that I have never been one to get excited about the New Year. In my mind, its a day like any other, and I’ve never been drawn to the idea of a “starting fresh”. A new semester, on the other hand, carries a different appeal to me. Maybe its the change of pace or the change in my schedule that makes it feel so different, but I cherish the potential a new semester presents me with. Because of this, I have decided in lieu of a New Years resolution, I will instead make a New Semester Resolution.

This semester, aside from the standard decision to  make more time for running, sleeping, and studying, I have adopted this motto:

Be more of a Mary, and less of a Martha.

The story of Martha and Mary is pretty well known, so I’m sure you know what I’m getting at. This semester, I want to spend less time worrying about cleaning my house. I know that probably sounds a little silly to most, but I’m actually quite the neat freak, so much so that I will refuse to have guests in my house unless I know that it is spotless. I’ll take out hours on a Saturday afternoon to scrub from top to bottom, and I find it difficult to sleep knowing there are dishes in the sink (I’m not kidding on that one. I’m totally psycho). But by being so uptight about the condition of my home, how much time am I wasting that could be used for something profitable? What if I were half as worried about the condition of my heart as I am the condition of my home?

This semester, I will be more intentional with my girls. If that means having them over for coffee and letting the laundry sit a little longer, so be it. At the end of my life, I want to meet the Lord and have more to say for myself than “But Father, you could eat off my kitchen floors!”

I was sharing this thought with my roommate, Carolyn, on Tuesday night, asking her to hold me accountable. This same evening, I went to an event called “Night of Worship” at church with some of my sisters. As if the Lord were trying to offer his encouragement, the devotional offered that night was on this very topic. However, the pastor did not teach on the passage of scripture in which Jesus visits Mary and Martha’s home in Luke 10. Rather, he took us to the account of the death of Lazarus.

On the surface, I’m sure this passage seems wholly irrelevant to my resolution. However, this account gives an interesting perspective on the hearts of these two women who were precious to the heart of Jesus.

Scripture tells us that when Jesus knew that Lazarus had died, he went to Judea to be with his friend. As he made his way into the city, he was met by Martha, who came to voice her frustrations to him. In John 11:21, Martha meets the Lord on the streets of Bethany, exclaiming “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died!” Christ answers her concerns with a lesson, “I am the Resurrection and the Life.” (v. 25).

Martha goes back to her home, this time sending Mary to meet Jesus. When she arrives, she falls on her face and cries “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died!” (v. 32). Sound familiar? Its the very same cry Martha met Jesus with. Yet when Mary says this, it brings quite a different response. Scripture says that the heart of Jesus was deeply moved, so much so that he went to the tomb of his friend Lazarus and wept himself, before calling the dead man out of the tomb and raising him to life.

What’s the difference here? Once again, its a heart issue. Martha brought her concerns to the Lord out of anger, frustration, and accusation, but Mary approached Christ humbly broken, and his spirit was deeply moved.

Martha got a theology lesson. Mary got a resurrection.

This semester, I’m desperate for a resurrection. I’m overloaded and tired, and my soul needs revival. I need a reminder that the Lord called me here, to this city at this moment in time, for a spectacular purpose. His spectacular purpose.

This semester, I will strive to give more, complain less, and take every situation to the Lord with humility. I will take the time to listen, love, and point others toward Jesus.

Oh, and regular trips to the gym couldn’t hurt either:)

This came from Passion 2012…Everytime I watch, I can’t help but feel that I’m catching a little glimpse of heaven…I can’t wait to join in one day. “God doesn’t speak English; He speaks the world.”

Today I am thankful, not for anything God has done for me, but simply for who he is. I am grateful that his character is unchanging. Though my circumstances, my emotions, and my desires may shift, he remains constantly present, and constantly good.

I am thankful for the majesty of the God who exists in my “mountaintop” moments; when I simply must dance for the joy his love brings. I’m thankful for the comfort of the God who exists when my life disappoints and when my heart breaks. I’m thankful immeasurable grace of the God who runs to me when I fail him.

Most of all, I am thankful that the God who brought me such joy from simply speaking his name in the happiest seasons, is the same God who exists in the darker seasons of life. I’m grateful that even the condition of my heart changes, he never, ever does.

“The worthless bundle of rubbish you are clinging to for all your life is nothing compared to the matchless worth of Jesus Christ.”

Time to let go of my bundle. Much easier said than done…

Do you ever have those moments when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God exists?

I just had one of those moments. I literally don’t know what to do with myself.

He is much too good.

I was asked to speak at Calvary Baptist on Sunday to share my testimony of my time at Fuge. I’ve been trying to figure out how to condense the most life-altering experience of my life into 7 minutes, and while reading through my journals, I came across a few key phrases that I wanted to include. I would like to present to you the ADD version of my summer.

“wreck lives”

“It’s not about what you do, it’s about who own you.”

“You were bought with a price and I want what I paid for.”

“Are you ready to start living for something bigger than yourself?”

“If you claim to be alive, it’s time to start living.”

“The rocks will cry out.”

“Living, breathing proof.”

“Father, remind me why you called me here.”

“Forgiveness doesn’t make the other person right, but it does make you free.”

Alpha Phi Bible study seems to come with a challenge every week. Its never intentional, but in the time I spend alone with the Lord before we meet, he always lays something new on my heart to share with these incredible ladies.

Lately, we’ve been talking a lot about looking at our relationship with Christ as a marriage; A divine romance, if you will. One of the key components of any relationship is time together; in this instance, dates. We’ve been holding one another accountable for daily time alone with the Father, but this week, each of us has committed to a “date” with Jesus (mine is tomorrow afternoon. Super excited). It sounds a little strange, but it is basically an extended period of time alone with Jesus. A time to pray, worship, and listen. Many of us are nervous about how to fill such a long period of time, so I would like to offer a few guidelines for this time to get you going. This is by no means a strict, step-by-step process. Spend your time as you feel lead.

1. Set aside no less than 2 hours for your date.

Honestly, this is a very short amount of time for a date. If I went out with a guy and we were done in two hours, I would definitely think something was wrong, or he was boring. I would highly encourage building up to 3-5 hours, but for now, 2 will suffice. The point is not to get it over with. Like any good date, you should not be anxious for it to end, but take in every second. Be sure to let others know you do not need to be disturbed (unless someone is bleeding. Then, you should probably take care of that.) and SHUT YOUR PHONE OFF!!! No excuses.

2. Be Still.

“Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in all the earth.” -Psalm 46:10 Take time to get still and quiet before the Lord. Don’t read, Don’t talk, Don’t listen to music. Settle your mind and prepare your heart for worship. Give yourself time to focus, so your mind doesn’t wander as much.

3. Ask God to Join you.

 Pray that God would be with you during this time. Ask him to reveal himself through his word and prayer.

4. Listen to worship music.

A good worship song puts my heart in a wonderful mood. Try listening to some, and even sing along (unless you’re at starbucks. People will likely think you’ve been drinking, and I know you’re not doing that on your date with Jesus). Spend time adoring your incredible Father.

5. Read your Bible.

Don’t get me wrong…i LOVE books. But there is no book that can replace THE book. Crack open your Bible and read directly from it. If you need a place to start, try John. No better way to get to know Jesus more intimately than reading about his life. Take notes, and take time to think about what God is saying to you through your reading. I once heard that if you leave worship unchanged, you didn’t really worship. How will this passage change your life from here on out?

6. Pray.

I like to write my prayers out…it keeps my ADD under control. You can try that, or you can pray aloud. Share with the Lord your concerns and fears. Confess your sins to him, and ask that he change your heart. Tell him all the reasons you love him.

7. Listen.

More important than anything we could ever say to God is what he has to say to us. Take time to be quiet and listen to what he wants to say to you today. If your heart is willing, he won’t disappoint.

Hope this helps ease your fears about such a long quiet time. I am confident you are going to relish these times with the Lord. Can’t wait to hear about your date with Jesus:)

If anyone wants to come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.

Mark 9:34-35

These verses have been popping up left and right in the last few months. It was the key verse of day 3 at camp, as well as the theme of Alpha Phi’s Bible study this semester. The Lord has beat me over the head with it countless times to point out the ways I need to die daily. Die to pride. Die to fear. Die to my own desires.

I’ve been reading a lot lately (no surprise there), and interestingly enough, everything I’m reading revolves around the theme of death. “Through Gates of Splendor”, which tells the story of Jim Elliot’s death while preaching the gospel in a remote village in Ecuador. Foxe’s Book of Martyrs, an exhaustive list of the persecutions of the early church. Acts 7, which details the stoning of a Christ Follower named Stephen. See a pattern here? It all leads me to a rather intimidating question:

What if He calls me to actually die, not only to myself, but a literal, physical death?

The first time I read the story of the Apostle Andrew, it literally moved me to tears. Though Andrew is one of the lesser mentioned disciples, he was known as “the inviter”, as he was constantly inviting others, including Peter, to meet this man named Jesus. During one of many persecutions in Rome following Christ’s ascension, Andrew was called before Aigeatis, the governor of Patros, to be reprimanded for preaching the gospel. When told to renounce his teachings or face death by crucifixion, Andrew confidently responded, “I would not preach the gospel of the Cross of Christ with such fervor if I was not willing to die on a cross of my own.”

So much for being the quiet guy in the background. Andrew was taken to be executed, where he continued to preach the gospel for three days until he died. Foxe tells us that many heard his teaching from the cross and believed.

The single greatest passion of my heart is the story of the Cross of Christ. But am I prepared to die for this message if thats what the Lord calls me to? I can honestly think of no better way to go. Its a difficult request to make, because human instinct makes us want to keep living. Its only natural. Father, make me willing if that’s what you want.

I could die for this cause, and you might be the reason.

My apologies in advance…In case you didn’t notice, its 3 am. I’m tired, so this probably sounds like nothing but rambling. Bear with me…its been on my heart tonight.

I’ve had some interesting conversations since I’ve been home. I don’t know if they’ve appeared suddenly, or if the Lord has put them in my way all along and I simply wasn’t looking. I’m talking about difficult, uncomfortable conversations. Blatant opportunities to share the gospel with those I am closest too; people whose opinions of me could be drastically changed by this message of hope we’ve been entrusted with.

A few weeks ago I sat down with a friend and somehow, our conversation turned to our childhoods. Before I knew it, I was all but passing out my testimony to someone I had never had a deep conversation with before. Sharing such intimate details of my life seemed a little more than awkward. This person was struggling with similar circumstances, and though I don’t recall many of the things that were said that night, I do recall stating that I wouldn’t take any of it back because I never would have learned where to find my peace and security. As long as I live, I will never forget the moment this person looked me dead in the eye and asked where I found peace.

My initial reaction? What the heck kind of question is that??

As crazy as it seems to someone like me, I guess it isn’t obvious. But its at times like these that everything I saw in my first 15 years of life actually mean something. I didn’t cry needlessly; I didn’t hurt for nothing. 20 years later, I have the chance to say, “Look at where I was…Look what the Almighty carried me through.”

Job is the pillar of strength under trial in Scripture. In the Old Testament, we read of a man who was stripped of absolutely everything he had.

His Family? Dead. His health? Down the tubes.  His land, money, and livelihood? Gone, gone, and gone.

You know the story; Job clung to the only thing that lasts, and in the end, the Lord restored him. Its could be the single most encouraging testimony I’ve every heard.

I wonder if Job knew that at the time?

I can’t help but wonder if while Job lay alone, writhing in the pain of his sores and seeing no apparent way out, he knew what an encouragement he would be. Did this man know that one day, thousands of years later, a 20 year old girl in Kentucky would find hope in choice to chase the Lord even when it seemed he was no where to be found?

If I can know that someone, somewhere has found an ounce of encouragement in the things I’ve seen, or maybe even caught a glimpse of the gospel, it was worth every second. In the end, the Almighty brought it together for good. He made me stronger, and he taught me to love him more completely.

There is healing. There is peace. Most of all, there is Love.

My mom, like most, is full of excellent advice. One of the many things she has taught me in the last 5 years is that one should never forget where they come from. Remembering your past brings humility, as it allows us to constantly remember that while we are so very weak, our God is anything but.

August seems to have exposed one weakness after another, and let me tell you its been quite a struggle. From complacency and uncertainty to people who unconsciously bring out the worst in me, I’ve found myself struggling with my purpose in Lexington once again. But after spending some time looking back on the things I wrote over the course of the summer, I’m reminded of the joy I found in the presence of God. Though a little more like a whisper than a roar, I know he is still here.

When will I finally stop searching for my joy in people? I know the only real security I have is in the Lord; He is the only thing that lasts.

Where are you Father?