If you are praying for God to give me patience, rest assured he’s heard you loud and clear.

This has been a trying week-hopefully, the most trying I will face during my time at Fuge. I came into the week feeling defeated before I had begun, and when the last camper climbed into his bus on Friday, I can’t say I felt much better. From a spiritual standpoint, it was a dark week. There were so many students who came in with huge burdens and even more who didn’t have a personal relationship with Christ. Initially, I was excited for the opportunity to share with so many students, but I was in no way expecting the challenges they would bring.

I never expected the group of 5 boys God “blessed” me with (they were one of those blessings in disguise…very, very disguised). They dropped f-bombs on the Rec field, slept during bible study, and mocked my accent every chance they got. (Just a side note…Just because I talk a little funny does not mean I’m a blind moron. I promise.) At the end of the week, they listed their favorite bible verse on my wall: Song of Songs 7:7 (I’m not posting it here…go look it up. I’m trying to keep this junk PG). One kid walked away with a new perspective, but the rest left with the same attitude they brought on Monday. And though I spent the week praying fiercely over one particularly difficult student, he didn’t come to a saving knowledge of Jesus during camp. It was exhausting to think that I gave everything I had to this one student, but saw absolutely no response.

I don’t know why I expected it to come so easily. I have no clue why I was expecting lost kids to act like anything but what they are. I’m learning a lot of new things here, but the most difficult lesson I got this week is how painful it is to watch someone be hit in the face with the gospel over and over again, only to turn and walk away.

Father continues to make sharing my testimony easier. For the first time in my life, I’m at the point that I can comfortably share the whole story. I’m finally coming to see that there is no shame in where I’ve been, but only in refusing to share where God has brought me. This week, a sweet girl name Reagan (sign from God already), opened up about a very similar situation she went through. We were able to swap stories of our struggles, but something about being able to sit across from this precious girl and promise her that God would indeed bring her out safely on the other side of her mess brought me a lot of healing. If the only good that ever comes of my experiences is offering comfort to those currently living the nightmare, then it was certainly worth something. I pray Father continues to bring these people into my life. I never want it to be all for nothing. 

As I go into this week, I am selfishly praying that God gives me an incredible group of students. I don’t care to relieve the week two for anything. However, I don’t want a well behaved class at the expense of encountering students who need to hear the gospel. I guess the best way to pray for me this week is to ask that God will give me the students who most need to hear the words he will provide. Pray that he will continue to motivate me daily, even if the work he is doing in my students is not always apparent.

But whatever you do, please don’t pray for God to give me patience.